


Number Two

by YouDontKnow (akirachan98)



Series: Rivamika Family [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Baby, Children, Conflict, F/M, Family, Love, Marriage, Military, Toddlers, marriage problems, rivamika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akirachan98/pseuds/YouDontKnow
Summary: Levi and Mikasa are facing some problems in their marriage. Are they going to fix things up, or will the little family be over soon?Rivamika
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Levi, Sasha Blouse & Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer
Series: Rivamika Family [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777768
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	1. Stranger

Number 2

Like every evening Levi walked back home through the streets, between the houses of Stohess. He had spent most of his day, as he had for months, at meetings and behind his desk. He wanted nothing more than to lie down in his bed and close his eyes. There were no more people outside, who usually lined the streets during the day to buy goods or socialize. The battle against the Titans had been over for four years now, but every day, humanity faced new enemies. At that time he had hoped to leave the military, but it would have been nothing more than a cowardly escape. As long as Erwin and Hanji lasted, he would stay at their side. Even before his wedding, he could never have imagined that he would ever be able to find peace, let alone take on any more dangerous missions. But since the birth of his son 11 months ago, he had not left Stohess.

The faint light of the lanterns made the paved paths shine in a special light and made him forget his worries for a moment. Although it was summer, the nights cooled down quite quickly and it was not possible to go out without a coat. It was just another sign that the summer was almost over. Some trees already seemed to be preparing for autumn and occasionally turned orange. As he stood in front of the stairs to his house, he looked up briefly at the windows on the second floor. The light was still on, which could only mean that Mikasa was still awake. He took the bunch of keys from the pocket of his coat and entered the house. Immediately a pleasant warmth struck him and he took off his coat. He stepped through the small hallway and stood already in the spacious dining room, in which the kitchen was also located at the same time. Through a small arch you could look into the living room, where a fireplace was burning the last coals in it.

He continued on his way and stuck his head in the room to see where his wife was. "Mikasa?" But his voice faded from the room, unheard. He concluded that she was probably upstairs, getting ready for bed. As he let his senses wander, he heard muffled footsteps above him. He checked one last time if the contents of the fireplace had burned out before he made his way back. He walked up the wooden steps of the stairs, careful not to make too much noise. He didn't do it for Mikasa, but for his child. Not hearing anything, he assumed that Farlan must already be asleep. He was sure Mikasa had noticed how he had opened the front door because her senses were as sharp as his own. When he was on the second floor, he looked down the dark hallway from which a total of five doors opened. To his left was the bedroom, behind it the door to the children's room. Opposite it, the door to the guest room and bathroom, and to his right the office, which he hardly ever used. He was always amazed at the size of their home, as it was located in the middle of Stohess and certainly cost a lot of money. But that didn't matter to Levi anymore. For the people on the streets he was the hero of humanity and the reason why they could sleep peacefully every night. In the streets they were greeted, celebrated, congratulated and cheered.

He could still remember the article in the newspaper when they got married. Erwin had even insisted on having them both drawn, just to give the people what they had been longing for so urgently. The illusion of peace and harmony, what could have been more suitable than the wedding of the two strongest soldiers of mankind. Levi had not liked it, and yet he had put a good face on the evil game. He saw that the door to his left had opened a crack and now opened it completely to enter. The light was still burning and Mikasa stood at the window with her back turned to him and looked into the darkness. Quietly he closed the door behind him and approached her, putting his arms around her from behind. She was already wearing her white nightgown and seemed to have gotten ready for the night. Levi placed a small kiss on the side of her neck and then let his head rest on her shoulder. He looked at her reflection in the window and began to speak. "You put Farlan to bed yet?"

"Yes, about an hour ago."

"Oh... why are you still awake?" Levi sounded slightly surprised.

Slowly Mikasa released her husband's arms from her body and sat down at a small mirror table to comb her hair. "Because it can't go on like this anymore, Levi." Her voice sounded muffled, probably so as not to wake Farlan, Levi thought. Meanwhile, he took off his suit and shirt and folded them neatly. "What do you mean?" he said while putting on a pair of simple cloth trousers.

"It feels like you're not even here any more." Mikasa looked into his gray eyes. Only now did he realize that she was quite serious, and not just having a bad day. He saw the sadness and pain in her eyes as he examined her more closely.

"Darling please let's not discuss it now, it's so late." He took a few steps towards her.

"That's the point Levi! Have you looked at the clock? "You haven't been part of our life here for a long time."

"What? I'm here every day. We share the bed every night, and you tell me I'm not here?!"

"It is true that you come back every night, go to bed and leave in the morning! You can't even put your son to bed!"

Levi threw his head back. "You go too far! That's happened a few times now - yes, but that doesn't make me a bad person!"

"I didn't say that either. I just wonder what this is all about. It seems we're second choice for you, Farlan an accident and me a mistake."

"Are you even listening to yourself, Mikasa? I'm right here, standing right in front of you. I have responsibilities outside this house!" Levi was annoyed and angry. He just wanted to fall into bed in peace and not argue with his wife.

"I don't have the nerve for this now." He turned around and sat down on the bed.

"What are you doing?" Mikasa got up from the chair.

"I want to sleep, what else?"

"No." Mikasa pointed her hand at the door.

Levi rose again and stood before her to calm her down. "Please, Mikasa, it's so late."

"The bed in the guest room is freshly made."

Backwards and very slowly Levi actually moved towards the bedroom door, but not without trying his best. "Please, Mikasa, don't do this. You know that I need you! The nightmares will finish me." He hadn't had many for a long time. With Mikasa in his arms, it was much easier for him to sleep peacefully.

"As long as it's just that... I can't do this anymore, Levi." With one hand, she gently pushed him the last inch out of their bedroom. Before she closed the door, he saw tears running down her cheeks. He put his flat hand on the wood and leaned his forehead against the door. "Shit."

It wasn't her way of kicking him out when they were fighting. Although there had been more frequent disagreements in recent times, he had not attached any particular importance to the matter. He thought it was a phase in his marriage that would settle down. It had also happened before that they had fought but the distances between the arguments had been much longer and the topics much more trivial. Levi slowly got away from the door and made his way to the other bedroom, but a small impulse made him stop at the door to the children's room. An idea came to his mind and he carefully put his hand on the door handle and entered the room. The room was well warmed and a very faint light coming from a small stove made the room look cosy. He closed the door behind him and walked towards the crib where his son slept. His face seemed so peaceful that it calmed Levi a bit. Gently he reached out a hand and stroked the child's cheeks. One of his little arms moved and his tiny thumb found its way into his mouth.

It almost broke Levi's heart to see his son like that, Mikasa was right, he really spent too little time with Farlan. He couldn't understand why he behaved like that, because he loved him more than anything. Slowly Levi lifted Farlan out of his bed and pressed him to himself. A faint noise let Levi guess that Farlan was still slightly dozing and he hadn't woken up completely yet. He sat down in a rocking chair that was next to the small stove and put Farlan on his chest. With one hand still in his mouth he made constant sucking movements, the other he put on Levi's neck.

For a few moments Levi just sat there, rocking slightly back and forth and gently stroking his hand across his child's back. He thought about what had changed in the last months and yet he could not come to a logical conclusion. It was Mikasa's last words that kept coming back to his mind. "I can't do all this anymore Levi." She had sounded so hurt and broken, yet so clear. He was afraid of the consequences. Did it mean she would leave him? That thought made him even sadder and he pressed Farlan even tighter against his body now.

Barely audible he whispered. "I love you and Mommy! I promise you Daddy will make it all right!" He started humming a melody he'd always hummed to his child. He only knew that one song, it was a remnant from his underground past. His dead friends Farlan and Isabel had sung it constantly and he had never stopped them. His breathing slowed down and his humming ceased, he sank into a deep sleep.

Single rays of sunlight were already falling through the window when Levi was awakened by the feeling of small hands on his face. When he opened his eyes, he looked into the big eyes of Farlan. He was glad that at this point he came more after his mother and had not inherited his narrow eyes. And yet he sometimes had the feeling that he was looking into a mirror. He had his grey eyes with a slight blue tinge. Even when he was so small, one could clearly see who his parents were. Levi fervently hoped that Farlan would come more after Mikasa than after him, even if Mikasa disagreed.

"Good morning." He gently stroked the back of Farlan's head with one of his hands.

"Dada." He smiled happily as he patted his face again with one hand.

"Phew, you don't smell good, we'd better go and clean you up." Levi got up with the child in his arms and went to the bathroom. After he had changed Farlan's diapers, he put him down on the floor for a moment and quickly changed himself.

"We've got something on today, kiddo!" He whispered to him as he walked down the stairs to the kitchen. "We can't be so loud, mommy's still asleep." Levi carefully set his son down at the table in a chair specially made for him. The little children's eyes, attentively following his every move in the kitchen as he prepared the porridge. When Levi accidentally dropped something into the sink and some splashes of water hit him in the face, Farlan clapped his little hands enthusiastically. "Hey, you cheeky monster, you laughing at me?" Levi was amazed, he had never seen Farlan clap before, it had to be new. He shook off the thought and put a small bowl in front of him. When Levi had sat down himself, he tried to put some of the porridge into Farlan's mouth with a small spoon. Unexpectedly he grabbed the spoon with his little hands to use it himself.

"Da!"

"Oh... Well, if you insist. Then Daddy can take care of something else." While Farlan was more or less successful in getting most of the porridge into his mouth, Levi put some items in a bag and scribbled some words with a pen on a piece of paper, which he then placed on the kitchen table.

"Well that looks very good, now we'll just clean your mouth and then we'll go. But before we say goodbye to Mommy." Levi put on his coat and threw his bag over his shoulder before carrying Farlan up the stairs. He opened the first door on his left and slowly entered. He looked down at the bed where his wife was sleeping. She had put one arm in the place where he always lay. Carefully and not to make any unnecessary noise, he stepped to the side of the bed and bent down so Farlan could reach her better. Only now he could look at her face more closely, it was beautiful and yet sad. She looked exhausted, as if she had hardly slept a wink that night. She must have cried for a long time after she had thrown him out. To see her like that made his heart ache a little. It felt like little needles being stuck in him.

"Give Mommy a kiss Farlan." The little one pressed a quick kiss on her cheek and smiled happily. Slowly Mikasa blinked his eyes, but she didn't fully regain consciousness yet.

"Shh... you don't have to get up yet, go back to sleep." He knew that Mikasa probably didn't want him to, yet he couldn't hold himself back. Gently he pressed his lips to her forehead and muttered so softly that she probably wouldn't understand him anyway.

"I love you!"

Arriving at the doorstep, he noticed that the streets were already bustling with activity, just like every morning. Merchants brought their goods to the market place and looked stressed. Farmers from the surrounding settlements drove their goods to the city. A pleasant breeze blew through the streets and alleys of Stohess. But Levi could feel that something was in the air, tonight there would probably be a thunderstorm. But that didn't bother him any further, because he had had a solid roof over his head for years now. No more crowded tent camps, no more blood, no more soaked clothes.

He set off and made his way to the quarters of the survey corps. After only a few hundred meters he was recognized and involved in a conversation.

"Well, if it isn't Captain Levi! We're not used to seeing you out of uniform so often."

"How's business?" Levi asked more out of courtesy than interest.

"Very well, we hope for a good harvest this year."

"I'm glad! If you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

While he carried his son in his arms, he examined him closely. He looked around curiously and watched the colourful hustle and bustle on the street. Occasionally Levi noticed how his attention was caught on certain objects and he became more restless.

"These are market stalls Farlan. Here you can buy food. There's fruit, vegetables and meat." But Farlan didn't seem to be impressed by his father, because something else had entered his field of vision. Hastily, he pointed repeatedly with outstretched arm at a dog resting under a stall.

"Da!"

"Dog. Farlan. It's a dog."

"DA!"

His eyes started to get bigger and bigger and he started to squirm slightly in his father's grip.

"Please, Farlan, not now. It's only a dog." Levi tried to calm his son down, because the last thing he needed right now was a public outburst of emotion that would probably end up in the papers. But after only a few moments he realized that it was probably useless and gave in. Farlan's expression relaxed as they moved towards the stand.

An old countrywoman stood behind the stand, which was lavishly filled with vegetables, and smiled at them in a friendly manner.

"Hello, Mrs." But before Levi could speak any further, she interrupted him.

"Hey, I know you. You're that Captain Levi, aren't you? I've seen your face in the papers several times."

"Yes, that's me."

"Oh, how wonderful! And this little man must be Farlan." She gave him a smile that only older women were able to give.

"Yes, you're right. This is my son, Farlan." He looked at him briefly. "Say hello, Farlan."

Hurriedly, Farlan waved his hand and smiled. He was never shy or reserved with strangers. Levi hoped it would never be to his disadvantage.

"You sure know a lot about us. Are you in town every day? Because I never noticed you before."

"Oh, that's all right, kid. I'm too old to be coming to the market every day from out of town. My husband and son usually do that, but unfortunately my grandson injured himself playing yesterday and he had to be taken to a doctor. So I'm here instead of my son."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he gets well soon!"

"Yes, I'm sure it's not so bad. He and his friends are always re-enacting fights and he just got hurt. You know, kiddo, if it wasn't for my grandson, I probably wouldn't know half of what you do."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, his biggest hero is standing in front of me right now, buying vegetables."

"Oh, I see." Levi knew how important he was in people's minds. Even children considered him a hero and an idol. "I'm sorry, but I don't really want to buy vegetables... I wanted to ask if the dog belongs to you."

"Yes, and I see the little man is anxious too. He can touch him. He's a very peaceful animal."

Levi nodded to her briefly and put his son down. He knelt down next to him and held his body upright. He couldn't walk alone yet, but for a week now he had been making his first attempts at walking on his own.

"You have to be very careful, like that Farlan." Levi took his son's hand and laid it gently on the dog's fur and stroked it.

After several repetitions Farlan made the movement on his own and Levi was able to hold him again with both hands. His expression seemed fascinated and curious at the same time. With each time his hand stroked through the fur his eyes grew bigger.

"Well Farlan, we have to go now, Hanji and Erwin are surely wondering where I am." With these words he lifted him up again.

"So long, boy! And don't forget to come by often!"

"Thanks, we'll be back soon for sure."

After a few minutes they reached the large building, in which all divisions of the military had their own part. He chose the direct route to the part of the building where the offices of the survey corps were located and refrained from walking across the courtyard to avoid further encounters. Farlan had been here before. Mikasa and he had brought him here one month after the birth because Hanji had insisted on it. It had been a very exhausting day because Levi hated it when strangers touched his child and on that day almost every soldier present was busy admiring his child. And when Nile Dawk came around the corner and started to hold his son, it was only thanks to Mikasa that he did not commit a massacre. He had never liked the commander of the military police, even though he knew that he himself had children, he felt a certain uneasiness towards him.

As he walked through the corridors to his office, he could not help but notice that today he was greeted more friendly than usual by everyone he met. He was always amazed at the influence such a small creature had on his fellow men. Arriving at his office he put the bag on his desk and afterwards put Farlan on the carpet.

"So here we are. Daddy has to work now, but we can play together later." Levi wasn't sure if Farlan understood him, let alone listened to him, because his eyes were watching the room attentively. Levi got up from the floor and opened the bag he had hurriedly packed in the morning and took out several building blocks.

"Farlan here! This is your favourite game. You're so good at building with the blocks."

Levi was amazed how easy it was to get Farlan excited about this, it was actually those stupid building blocks he liked the most. Eren had given them to him when he was six months old.

Levi had sat down at his desk and hastily skimmed through some papers, but not without looking up for time after time to watch his son play. It was almost impossible to concentrate with all his thoughts in his head. He still did not know what to tell Mikasa to save his marriage. With thumb and index finger of his left hand he turned his wedding ring without being able to grasp a clear thought. He was afraid of the future and her words echoed in his head. "I can't do this any more Levi!" What would he do if she left him? What would happen to Farlan? It was thoughts that almost drove him crazy and made him deeply sad. He was so absorbed in thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that Farlan was no longer sitting in the place where he had put him down with the building blocks. He had crawled through the room and around the desk and had pulled himself up by Levi's leg. Even though he was still young, he must have sensed that his father was in bad shape and sought his comfort.

Levi lifted him up to his chair and pressed him to himself. Gently he stroked his head and back again and again while he just sat there. He inhaled his scent and concentrated on the small hands that were lying around his neck. Just as he was about to close his eyes for a moment, there was a knock on the door and it opened.

"Levi? Are you there? You weren't here this morning..." The woman's voice fell silent when she saw who was sitting behind his desk, not alone today. In an instant her voice changed almost into hysteria.

"That's wonderful! Little Farlan! Hello! Why didn't you tell me yesterday that you were bringing him along?"

"It was more like spontaneous Hanji." He handed her Farlan, since he had stretched out his arms at her just as wildly as she had at him.

"You're happy about that! Aunt Hanji is happy to see you too! It's been far too long already." She briefly gave Levi an angry look, who commented on it only with a roll of his eyes.

While Hanji tickled Farlan a bit, she raised an eyebrow. "Where's Mikasa?"

"At home." Levi answered quick.

"Oh, really? I thought she'd come by and visit."

"She doesn't even know I took Farlan with me today, so not yet..."

"Don't you guys talk anymore?" The question Hanji had meant as a joke quickly turned out to be half true.

"Things are...difficult right now." He ran his hand through his hair with one hand.

"Oh Levi...I didn't know...I'm sorry." Hanji had noticed that she had hit a nerve because Levi seemed upset. His forehead was wrinkled and his gaze seemed absent.

"You know what Levi! I'll take the little man for a tour of the quarter now, and you'll have some peace! Actually I came to tell you to come and see Erwin."

Levi's eyes became suspicious and he stared at the department head from top to bottom.

"Oh come on! Don't look like that! I'll take good care of him. We'll have lots of fun. I'll bring him back in one piece."

The captain saw how much fun Farlan was having in the arms of the department head and sighed briefly.

"All right! But I swear to you, if one hair on his head is harmed, I'll personally see to it that you never get another test subject in front of your eyes again."

"Yes, yes, I understand!" She waved it away in a hurry.

"Take the bag! It's got everything Farlan needs, he might get hungry soon."

Hanji grabbed the bag and threw it over her shoulder before she happily left his office.

Levi stayed for a few moments to keep his desk tidy. His obsession with order had not improved a bit over the years. Even with an infant, he still tried everything possible to keep it clean. When he had sorted everything, he stood up and made his way to Erwin Smith's office. It was only a few doors away from his and so it took him only a few seconds to knock on his door and enter the somewhat larger room.

"Levi! How nice! Hanji was here earlier. Farlan has grown quite a bit since I last saw him. I can see he's doing great!"

"He's changing week by week. It happens so fast that even I can barely keep up." A short smile flitted over Levi's lips.

"I've called you here because I wanted to go over some more reports with you, if it's OK with you."

"Yes, it is all right. I mean, Hanji took my son hostage for the rest of the day anyway."

The two men went over the reports until Erwin interrupted the Captain.

"Levi? Is something wrong? Your mind seems a little off." Erwin looked at the soldier in front of him worried.

"Sorry, Erwin, I didn't have a good night."

" Has it something to do with Mikasa?"

Levi frowned, "How come..."

"When Hanji was here earlier, she mentioned something along those lines."

"Great! The four-eyes can never shut up either. Levi wasn't really upset because Erwin was something of a friend to him, he knew he could trust him unconditionally.

"Erwin? Tell me... Do you ever feel that everything is slipping away from you?"

"What? Sometimes? Levi we're high-ranking soldiers. That feeling is my constant companion."

Levi was silent.

"Levi, what the hell is going on? No one can help you if you won't let them."

The black-haired man took a deep breath and twisted his wedding ring again before speaking. "Mikasa is going to leave me."

Erwin tried with all his strength not to let his shocked face show and instead put one hand on the smaller man's shoulder.

"Levi... but how? I mean did she say that?"

"No, not exactly, but sometimes it takes no words..."

"Very slowly and one by one, Levi. What the hell happened?"

"Nothing, really. And that's the point Erwin. Nothing. I just do nothing."

"I don't think I follow... Has Mikasa ever said anything to you?"

"We haven't talked in what feels like forever. Instead, we fight. She accuses me of not doing enough for the family. She said it felt like I wasn't a part of it anymore."

"I see now..." But tell me Levi, can't you understand her? I mean, I see you every day, how you spend your day. You're here in the quarters all day long, working."

"That's just it Erwin!" He sounded more desperate now. "I see it myself! And I don't feel good about it either! But I don't know why I don't just go home, when my wife and child are waiting for me there."

"Do you love her?"

"What?" Levi seemed baffled by the question.

"Do you still love her?"

It didn't take Levi a split second to answer. "Of course. Every day I love her more and more. I can't be without her."

Erwin leaned back a little before he spoke further. "There's your problem, Levi."

"Now I don't understand you..."

"You really love her. Levi, I've known you for years and I know what's happened to you. I've been there and I know what your problem is."

"Well, spit it out, then, for fuck's sake." Levi got a bit upset.

"All the people you ever cared about left you or died. You were so caught up in the idea that you could never get close to anyone again, so no harm would come to them. But Ackermann was different. She wouldn't take no for an answer. You think you're hurting the people you love, so you subconsciously avoid them."

In Levi it snapped, Erwin was right. All the people he had ever cared about had died or disappeared all the time. He felt guilty and didn't want the same thing to happen to his family just because he was near them. But he had not been aware that he was driving them further and further away from himself and thus causing the opposite of what he actually wanted to achieve.

Levi put his face in his hands "Erwin you're right. I am afraid! Every damned day! I'm afraid of losing her... and what am I doing? I hurt her so much that she leaves me..." A tear made his right hand wet. He didn't want Erwin to see him like that and yet it felt good to talk to him.

"Hey, everything's still fine. You know what you have to do, it's very simple and I'm not in your way. You work here enough during the day already, it's quite enough."

"That's easy for you to say... it doesn't feel good. I'm even afraid that Mikasa won't even be home when I get back..."

"You know very well that Mikasa isn't so callous. She's still your wife. And she wouldn't leave Farlan behind anyway."

"That's right! She'd never leave him behind. She loves him so much."

"There, you see? You'll get your chance, Levi. I know you will."


	2. Familiar

Mikasa heard dull words coming to her ear while she was half asleep. She dreamt of Levi coming into the room with Farlan in his arms and saying goodbye to her. It was not a nice dream, because his voice sounded sad. She didn't want him to be sad. She woke up only a few hours later. Slowly she stretched out her arms and looked at the empty bed beside her. She was sorry that she had thrown Levi out the night before, but she didn't know what else to do. He was not the man she had married years ago; he was again the man she had met in the military. She didn't know what else to do, because she had been pointing out what he had been doing for weeks.

For a moment she was surprised that the sun's rays did not fall directly into her bedroom as they did every morning. After a look at the clock, she realized why.

" Damn it! I totally overslept, it's almost noon already!" She hurriedly jumped out of bed to go to her son's room. She wondered why he hadn't cried out for her yet. He must be terribly hungry. Guilt pervaded Mikasa as she opened the door to the children's room.

She quickly recognized that Farlan was not lying in his crib and looked around the room. "He wouldn't have escaped, would he? Farlan?" But she didn't find him. Slowly she began to worry and hectically searched the other rooms. It was uncomfortably quiet in the house; it was a silence she no longer knew.

Her shouts became louder and more desperate. "Farlan? Where are you?" She stumbled hastily down the stairs, "Levi! Levi, are you there?" ...but there was no answer. Just as she was about to sprint past the dinner table into the living room, she noticed a white sheet of paper. She immediately recognized her husband's handwriting on it and skimmed the lines.

_Good morning Mikasa!_

_Please be reassured that Farlan is with me. I hope you were able to sleep in today. You haven't for a long time. Please use the day as you wish, meet Sasha or just relax._

_You don't have to waste any thoughts on me but please Mikasa... Be back tonight!_

_Levi_

Mikasa was instantly relieved that Farlan was doing well. She had feared worse. She couldn't blame Levi for her worries, after all, it hadn't been his intention. It was a strange thought to have a whole day to herself, she hadn't been alone for 11 months. She hadn't made any plans that didn't include at least her son. She went back to the bedroom to put on a summer dress. After she had gotten ready, she had decided to actually visit Sasha. She had not seen her for a long time. Sasha had also become a mother much earlier than Mikasa and lived in Stohess. It was not as central as Levi's and her house but still quite close. If she chose the direct way, Mikasa needed 20 minutes, with a small detour via the market half an hour.

The young woman was happy to be able to concentrate fully on the other people and not have to constantly control her son's outbursts of joy. When she arrived at the market, her eyes wandered over the many goods that the traders and farmers had displayed. Her gaze stopped at something that for Mikasa was connected with feelings from her childhood. Her parents had been farmers themselves outside the gates of Shiganshina when she was young. In summer she had always helped her mother with light harvesting work. She could still remember those happy summers. It was the taste of strawberries that burned into her memory. And now the most splendid red fruits she had seen in a long time lay before her. She didn't know what else was holding her back from buying some, for there was no lack of money, but only now did it feel right. She needed this feeling to forget her worries.

"Excuse me? Do you sell these strawberries?"

"Huh?" An elderly woman stepped out of the shadow of the stall. "But of course! How much would you like sweetheart?"

"Only two hands full." She handed her a few coins.

"But of course! Take the prettiest ones yourself. But tell me, dear... I have the feeling I've seen you somewhere before. Please help an old woman like me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I don't know that we have met before." Mikasa thought as she reached for the berries with her hand.

"Ha! I know!" The farmer's wife pointed at her fingers. "The wedding ring! I've seen it before this morning. You're Mikasa Ackermann, right?"

"That's right. You're quite good at observation."

"Ha Ha! That's the only thing left in old age, kid! You know, you have a very charming child!

At the thought of Farlan, her heart jumped a little. Wonder what he was doing?

"Yes, you're right, he's a wonderful gift!"

"You should have seen how excited he was about my old Theo here." She pointed her hand at the dog that was still under the table. "And how lovingly your husband took care of your son. You made a very good catch; one could almost be envious."

Mikasa tried not to let anyone see it, but she got sad when she mentioned Levi. She couldn't know that he'd been acting like the opposite of a husband for weeks.

"Thanks for the strawberries, they look very good." With these words and her hands full of strawberries, Mikasa went back to Sasha. After another 20 minutes she arrived at her house. It was small but seemed very homey. It had a small garden where Sasha had planted some herbs. Already from the distance she could hear the laughter of children. She decided not to knock, but to go directly to the garden around the house. Her instinct had not deceived her, for before her eyes a very excited family revealed itself. She saw Connie lying on the ground, on top of him two children who were obviously having a lot of fun. Next to it stood an equally laughing Sasha with a slightly younger child in her arms, who stretched out his hands in the direction of her father and wanted to play along as well.

As Mikasa approached them, Sasha noticed her first and waved to her friendly.

"Mikasa! What are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming today. Did I forget something?"

"Ha ha. No, Sasha, I just thought it wouldn't be a bad idea for me to come visit you. Hello, Connie." The man had gotten up and knocked the dust off his pants.

"Hello, Mikasa. We're glad to see you at last. We thought Levi had locked you in a cell." Connie's laugh was just as she knew it from him.

"Thank God He didn't." Sasha said, and gave Connie her daughter. "Can you take her for a minute, please? Mikasa and I have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah, sure. Feel free to talk. We'll continue here." Connie turned back to his children and started another wild game, but not without smiling briefly at Mikasa again.

"Now, you and I are gonna sit down."

"I'd love to. I brought strawberries."

The two women sat down at a wooden table, which stood on a kind of terrace. From here they could still watch Connie and the children. Sasha also pounced on some of the strawberries.

"Some things never change, do they?"

"Mmm." Sasha's mouth was so full that she had to chew for a while before she could answer clearly. "What do you mean?

"Ha ha. Don't you see, Sasha? Connie's just as much a kid as ever. and you can't stop yourself from eating for a second."

Sasha shrugged and smiled at the black-haired woman.

"But now, Mikasa... I haven't seen you in a while..."

"Oh, you know, Farlan's fine. He's doing great. He can really clap his hands now and he's pulling himself up by all kinds of objects."

"I'm very pleased, Mikasa, but that was just my next question. I wanted to know how you were doing..." She paused briefly. "I don't mean to offend you, but you look a little tired."

Mikasa watched the strawberry between her fingers very carefully. She had hoped that Sasha wouldn't notice, but now she had to live with it. What had she got to lose.

"I just didn't sleep well last night, that's why I look like this."

"Oh, I'm sorry, but things are going to get better tonight. We all have nightmares now and then." she said, placatory.

Mikasa's gaze, however, had fallen from the strawberry, onto Connie playing with his children, laughing with them. Mikasa was anything but good at hiding her feelings at that moment. She looked sad when she spoke.

" Hey, Sasha... Tell me... Is it always like this with you guys?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean Connie and the kids. Why is he here?"

"You ask strange questions. Why shouldn't he be here?

"I mean, it's... it's... it's during the week.

"Oh, now I understand! Connie sometimes just takes his time when he feels like it. Otherwise it would also be difficult for us. I mean, you can see for yourself... The twins are a bundle of energy and the little one is a total father-child."

Mikasa lowered her eyes. "I see."

Sasha noticed that the other one had a stone on her heart, but didn't want to bother her. "Mikasa? Is there something wrong? - Don't you want to talk to me about it? Maybe it will help you."

"I wish it were that simple, Sasha. I'm having trouble with Levi."

"What happened? I mean, it's normal to have a bit of a row."

"It's not just a bit... I don't know what's up with him. I just know he's hardly ever home any more, and when he is, he either sits in his study or goes straight to bed."

"I see." Sasha nodded thoughtfully. "That sounds a lot like the old Captain Levi we met in the beginning."

"That's exactly what it is. And I have no idea why he's behaving like that... I mean... nothing's really changed in the last months and still his behaviour is the same. When I see Connie playing with your kids, it hurts me."

"I understand you, Mikasa, but you must also remember that you knew the man you married. He's not a cheerful person like Connie, for instance, and that's no bad thing. You chose him deliberately and for his quiet nature."

"You're right, Sasha, I can't blame him, I'm no different myself. But what is different is not that we don't talk much anymore, but that he is hardly ever with me. You know, even though we used to keep quiet, it was always pleasant and familiar. We just didn't need words. We've both always been more the physical type."

Sasha waited a while until she had the courage to ask Mikasa the next question. Even though they had been friends for a long time, she still had strong respect for Mikasa.

"I don't want to worry you, but... Have you ever thought about why Levi behaves this way?"

"Yes, Sasha... My mind is focused on nothing else. If I knew why, at least I could do something."

Sasha blushed slightly and cleared her throat. "I don't want to be pushy, Mikasa, but... when... when... I mean when? Did you? The last time? Well, you know..." It had cost the brown-haired woman all the effort she could find.

Now Mikasa looked somewhat trodden on and embarrassed to the ground. It was definitely not a topic she liked to talk about with others.

"If I'm honest then... It's been what feels like an eternity now. He's hardly ever around anymore and when he comes home he doesn't make any effort in that direction."

"You know what I think, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do, Sasha! I don't exclude the possibility that he is cheating on me!" The words left her mouth a little louder and angrier than she had planned. "Every night I lie in his arms and wonder if he is dreaming of someone else. Maybe I've just become too boring for him and he's not that into mothers!" Some tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh, Mikasa!" Sasha took her friend in her arms and gently stroked her back.

"It was a stupid thought! Let's be honest. Levi isn't the kind of man who'd cheat on his wife!"

"I know that myself, but then what is it Sasha? Does he just not love me anymore? Does he need freedom?"

"I don't think there's any point in guessing... You should ask him. No more beating around the bush, no more getting lulled. You are a mature, adult, confident and beautiful woman Mikasa. Levi is an idiot if he doesn't see it!"

"Thanks, Sasha! You're right!"

"There you go. Now come inside, you're staying for dinner."

After Levi had finished his conversation with Erwin, he set out to find a person he believed could help him in his situation. Eren Jäger was still part of the military, but had been an officer for a long time. His task was to lead young members of the survey corps and accompany them on missions. Although his place of work was not here in Stohess, but a bit outside, he came to town several times a week to report or to get new information. Levi walked through the red-carpet covered corridors of the quarter until he arrived at a door where the name Arlert was written. The Captain knew exactly where he would meet Jäger when he should be here. He knocked briefly and waited for a prompt to enter.

"Come in!" Armin's soft voice came through the wood.

Levi stepped in and immediately put Arlert and Jäger out as well, as they looked at each other cheerfully. Just as they were about to begin a military greeting Levi raised his hands in a calming manner.

"Hey! You don't have to do that now, there's no one else here."

"Yes, captain."

"What are you doing? Levi, in private. Remember?"

"Excuse me, Levi. Old habits." Did it come from Armin

"Well, and we haven't seen each other outside the military for quite a while now." Eren enlisted his friend.

Levi thought about Eren's statement for a minute. He was right, there hadn't been any visits for weeks, he didn't even know if he had been to his home to visit Mikasa in the meantime.

"That's exactly what it is Eren. I'm here to ask you a favor."

"Go ahead."

"Are you busy tonight and tomorrow?"

"No, at least not unless you give me a good reason."

"Would you take Farlan tonight?"

"What? You don't have to ask me twice! I haven't seen my little nephew in what feels like forever! What time should I pick him up?"

A burden fell off Levi when Eren was so happy. "You don't have to, he's already here. But we have to look for him first, Hanji kidnapped him."

Armin took the floor again. "Well then we'd better leave quickly before Hanji starts to get serious."

The three men went back through the corridor and knocked on every door, but only to find that just about every office was empty.

"Strange." That's the only thing Levi could come up with.

Just as they were about to turn into another hallway, Armin stopped them.

"Wait! Look!" He pointed his hand at the courtyard.

The small group found its way out and watched the bizarre situation. Soldiers, mostly from the survey corps, stood in a circle and kept making sounds of delight. In the middle of the crowd sat Hanji, who had Farlan on her shoulders, who visibly enjoyed the attention.

"Unbelievable. Shouldn't you all be at work?" Levi raised his voice and became again the strict captain everyone knew. In an instant the soldiers scattered and made their way back to where they belonged. Farlan hadn't realized that his father was there at first but when he saw him, he impatiently stretched out his arms towards him, which made Hanji return him with a heavy heart.

"Oh Levi! I only had him for a short time... I have a..."

"Short? I haven't seen him for hours now. He's probably exhausted." He looked at his son for a moment. Farlan seemed satisfied, he had a thumb in his mouth and his head against his father's chest.

"I suppose you fed him too?"

"Yes, I did!" The department leader proudly replied. "And I've already changed his diapers." Levi took a sniff, but to his satisfaction he could not detect any smell.

"Thanks Hanji, you've done a great job." He didn't usually go easy on praise, but here he thought it was more than appropriate. The brown-haired woman had cared for his son for several hours and without hesitation and he seemed to be more than well.

Levi turned back to Eren and Armin, who had been hiding from Farlan's eyes. But when he recognized them, there was nothing left of his tiredness. He started babbling wildly and stretched out his arms.

Levi quickly surrendered and pressed his child into Eren's arms. " So soon a father is forgotten..."

"Hello, Farlan. You remember me, don't you? I'm Uncle Eren and this is Uncle Armin."

Farlan laughed happily as Eren tickled him slightly.

"I think Farlan really recognizes us." Armin let his thoughts run free.

"I think we better make this parting as short and painless as possible. Eren in the front pocket over there is all the stuff Farlan needs. He loves it when you tell him another story in the evening. It usually always works." Levi had approached Eren, who was holding his son in his arms. He gently put one hand on his head and looked deep into his eyes.

"Listen, Farlan, you can sleep at Uncle Eren's tonight. We've done it before, only today Mommy and Daddy aren't with you and you'll have your uncle all to yourself."

"I don't think he understands you, Levi."

"Yes, he does." He gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Hey! You'll see him again tomorrow. I think you have a harder time saying goodbye than Farlan." Eren joked. He didn't know he wasn't so wrong about that.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick him up."

"Okay, will Mikasa come too? I mean, we just saw each other a week ago, but we could still have dinner tomorrow. Armin, if you want, you can come too."

Levi got a lump in his throat, he didn't know if Mikasa would accompany him, he didn't even know what would happen tonight. He decided not to let on and hoped that Eren wouldn't notice.

"Yes, we can do it that way."

"Okay, it's a deal, then."

"Very well, I'll be on my way, and you should be on your way soon, too. It's going to rain tonight and you don't want to bring my son in that rain." His last sentence sounded like a threat.

"All right! But there's one more thing, Levi... I don't mean to pry, but you didn't tell me why I had to take care of Farlan today."

"There's no reason. I just thought it was time." With those words, he turned around and left the yard.

What Levi couldn't know was that Mikasa had entrusted herself to Eren a long time ago. He couldn't make sense of his behavior either, the only thing he hoped for was that Levi would return to his wife today and not to a potential affair. Even if he did not really believe it, anything was possible. He only knew that if he hurt Mikasa, he would make his life a living hell.

It was already shortly after 19 o'clock when Levi set off back home. He missed Farlan already, even if they would meet again tomorrow. On the way his thoughts drifted back to Mikasa, he hoped she would be waiting for him already. On the threshold to his front door he stopped briefly and took a deep breath. He was afraid to open the door, afraid that Mikasa would not wait for him. He put the key into the lock and turned it until he heard a click. He opened the door and entered. The first thing that struck him was a frightening silence. He put down his things and kept on entering.

"Hello? I'm home! Mikasa, are you there?" But he got no answer. In fact, she wasn't there anymore. Levi staggered towards the kitchen table and discovered the note he had left this morning. It was no longer in the same place, so she must have read it.

Levi sat down on a chair and watched the door. He hoped that every second he would hear the sound of a key announcing her arrival. But it did not happen. He didn't know how long he was sitting there like that, but with every minute that passed, the thought became clearer in him. She had actually left him. It was already half past eight when he could hardly stand it any longer. A rumbling tore him out of his thoughts and he jumped up. He had to go looking for her, he would not give up so easily. He threw on his grey coat and was about to put on his hat to be at least a little bit protected from the rain when the door opened. Hurriedly the black-haired woman rushed in before the first drops touched the ground. She was startled, for she was standing directly in front of Levi, who had instantly gone into a state of shock and was still holding his hat over his head in one hand.

"Damn Levi! You frightened me." Her voice was not soft or friendly.

But Levi did not move.

"Why are you still standing there like that?" She looked at him questioningly, as he made no effort to make room for her in the small hallway.

But Levi still did not move.

"Levi? Can you hear me?" She put one hand on her hip.

As if in slow motion Levi lowered the hand he was still holding the hat in and dropped it to the floor. Slowly he sank to the ground, his coat touching the wood at first, his knees last. As he let his head hang, the first tears dripped onto the floor and a sob came out of his body. It became louder and louder and distorted with pain.

Mikasa didn't know what was happening, she was worried when she saw her husband kneeling in front of her sobbing. Immediately she went down to him on the floor and wrapped her arms around his body to calm him down.

"Levi what's wrong? What happened?" But he didn't seem to really notice her.

"Is something wrong with Farlan? Say something!" He only showed a reaction when she put her hands on the sides of his head and forced him to look at her. His eyes were red and his cheeks were wet with tears. His look frightened her, he seemed distraught and afraid.

"Mi... Mikasa... What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean? I live here." Her worries grew from second to second. She was startled when he suddenly reached for a hand that was still on his face and grabbed her by the wrist. "Please, Mikasa! Don't leave me! You can' t leave me!" He began again to sob and shake.

"What?"

"I can't be without you! I can't be without you. Please."

"Levi. I'm not leaving you. What are you talking about?

"Please, Mikasa. You can' t go. Please, Mikasa..." His voice broke off.

"Shhh. Shhhhh." Mikasa took his trembling body in her arms again and rocked him back and forth until he calmed down.

"Mikasa?"

"Yes?" She leaned back a little to look at him.

"Will you listen to me?" The pleading look he gave her almost destroyed her. Even though she was afraid of what he might say, she had no choice. Slowly she nodded and let one of her hands sink from his face to his hand.

"Come on, get up. This is not the right place in the corridor."

When he had got up again, he walked through the dining room into the living room, regardless of the fact that he was still wearing the long coat. It had become dark, you could only hear the drops beating on the windows. He didn't bother to light a lamp, he stood with his back to Mikasa in the room and gathered all his strength to find the words he wanted to tell her. The young woman had followed him and now looked indecisively through the darkness at his back.

"Mikasa l..." But she interrupted him as it gushed out of her.

"Are you sleeping with someone else?" A bright light followed by a threatening thunder filled the room. As if in slow motion, Levi turned to her. In the darkness he could hardly see her face, so he took a few steps towards her until he was only inches away from her.

"No. Never." Carefully, he raised his hand but stopped just before he could touch the skin of her cheek. He was afraid he would no longer be able to touch her like that and waited for her permission, which followed shortly afterwards. Mikasa moved her head the remaining millimeters until she felt his hand. Gently his fingers stroked her soft skin and felt the water dripping silently from her eyes. He wiped the tears away with his thumb and tried to make out her expression despite the darkness. Her eyes were closed and her arms hung limply down the sides of her body.

"I would never do such a thing. You "re all I need, Mikasa! I love and desire only you, that's how it's always been!" Now he also put his right hand on her other cheek. She felt the cold metal of his wedding ring and came back to reality.

"Then what is it Levi?" She breathed the words as they were inches apart.

"I am afraid. Every damn day I'm scared. It feels like something could happen to you when I'm with you. You know Mikasa the people I cared about all died. My nightmares, they changed... I see you and Farlan."

Unexpectedly for Levi, Mikasa broke the distance between them and put her lips on his. The kiss was gentle and careful, almost shy. Even though they had been married for several years, it felt like the first time their lips met. When she interrupted the kiss, she ran her hands through his soft hair.

"I'm not dying, Levi. I'm not leaving either, you can't get rid of me. And look around you, not all your friends are gone. Hanji, Eren, Armin, Erwin and someone else joined them... your child."

He stared at her in bewilderment. She was right about what she said. He had never seen it like that before. Even if people had died, some had survived.

"Think about it, Levi. Without you, some people wouldn't be alive at all, including me. How many times did you save my life back then? You even sacrificed your knee for me." A smile came over her lips.

"Everything you say is true and makes sense but my fear is subconscious so I have to face it head-on." He put his hands on her hips as another thunder filled the room.

"Shouldn't we check on Farlan?" Mikasa suddenly got it in her head.

"Farlan's not here. Don't worry he's with Eren. I wanted us to be able to talk in silence."

"I'd like to have him with me now."

"I know, me too."

Even though Levi found it difficult, he broke away from Mikasa to light a small lamp on the small living room table. He pointed with one hand to the sofa on which they used to like to spend their evenings.

"Please sit down, Mikasa. I have something to tell you."

She looked suspiciously at the man before her. He gave a very strange picture of himself standing there in his coat, and still he made no attempt to take it off. His thoughts seemed to be somewhere else. She decided to follow his request and sat down on the sofa.

"I want to apologize, Mikasa!" His words sent a shiver down her spine. "What I've done to you these past few weeks is unforgivable. I didn't act like a man. I ran away like a coward..."

"Levi wait..." She tried to interrupt him.

"No please let me finish." He raised one hand. "I made a promise to you then and I'll keep that promise. I've already spoken to Erwin, we both know exactly that I can write the reports here, too, and that I don't have to take part in every meeting, no matter how small. After all, why do we have the office?"

"Levi I..."

"No, not yet! I will be here Mikasa! At your side, because that's the only place I belong. And if I hadn't married you years ago, I'd ask you again today! I know it's not my right, but I still have a wish." Levi stepped towards Mikasa, who was sitting on the sofa, and knelt in front of her.

"What is it?"

Levi put two fingers in the air. "Number two!"

"Number Two"? I don't think I understand Levi..."

"Make me a father once more."

Seconds passed in which the words echoed in Mikasa's head. After a while, when she still showed no movement, Levi's uncertainty grew. He had probably gone too far, she seemed not to trust him enough after all.

"I'm sorry, Mikasa, it was inappropriate for me to..." But just as he was about to stand up again she grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him to her. As her lips touched, every trace of shyness was lost. Her kiss was demanding and blazing like a fire. Levi too threw all his worries overboard and grabbed her by the hips with both hands to pull her up on her legs towards him. His lips moved from her mouth to her neck to a place he knew was very sensitive. As he touched her gently, a soft groan escaped her and she tampered with his clothes.

"Take off that goddamn coat."

He did as he was told and carelessly let the coat sink to the floor. Levi found it difficult to control himself, for they had not been so intimate for a while. He didn't know how, but in a split second they had reached the dining room and Mikasa was sitting on the table in front of him. The fight of their tongues became more and more wild and uncontrolled until Mikasa tampered with the belt of his trousers. Levi was surprised how fast she acted and just managed to catch her hands before she could open his belt.

"Hold on... wait..." He gasped breathlessly.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" Mikasa's eyes began to show a slight sadness. She was confused by his actions and wondered if he still desired her as a woman. He had made no effort to remove even one garment from her.

"No... It's just..." He was still breathing heavily. "You deserve better than this. I mean the kitchen table. Mikasa I missed you so much! I want to feel you, completely and utterly. I don't want a fast act on the kitchen table, you're worth more than that!" With these words, he lifted her up and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom.

The next morning Levi awoke with Mikasa in his arms. She had pressed her naked back firmly against him and was still sleeping gently. Levi soaked up her scent, which he loved so much, it was a mixture of lavender and soap. Gently he kissed the exposed skin of her neck down to her shoulders.

"Mm... Good morning." Mikasa's eyelids began to flutter when she felt his touch.

"Good morning." He let the hand that was on her stomach move from her hip to her thigh. The slight goose bumps that formed on her body signalled to him that he was fully effective on her.

"Shouldn't we get up slowly?"

"No, we still have some time." His hot breath tickled her ear.

"What a wonderful coincidence." With these words she wriggled out of his embrace and turned to him to catch his lips with hers.

After they both got dressed and had breakfast, they set out to join Eren. It was still quite cool outside because of the nightly rain, so Levi decided to put on the coat that was still lying on the floor. Also Mikasa had not chosen her summer dress today, but one made of a firmer fabric. They left the small hallway and stepped outside. While Levi walked down the few steps to the streets, Mikasa locked the door behind her. When she turned around, she looked down at Levi, who looked at her expectantly. He raised one hand and reached out to her. She hesitated for a moment and looked into his eyes instead. She didn't need another second to grab her husband's hand, who immediately interlocked his fingers with hers.


End file.
